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-   -   Friendship Help (https://www.graalians.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25628)

Shiz 08-16-2014 09:24 PM

Recently had the same exact problem with my ex.
Except sometimes she would try purposely pissing me off saying how hot other guys were and stuff but then the same night she would tell me she still loves me and stuff (tf right?)
So I then got this urge to piss her off sometimes for fun but it wasn't worth it and it was very stupid/immature. So I just stopped messaging her/contact with her in person.

She tries messaging me but I pretty much have her on ignore on everything (Facebook, instagram, Kik, skype, viber, etc.) Anything.

Now, I know you don't want to end the friendship but have you told her that you still have feelings for her and it makes you uncomfortable when she mentions her boyfriend to you?
If not then try it. If she says a smart ass comment back to you or threatens "then leave!" Then do it. She'll realize it sooner or later. Try asking if she wants to hangout in person some day and try keeping her boyfriend out of it.

Now, what YOU can do is talk to another girl. What I mean by this is actually try talking to a girl that attracts you. Don't force yourself to like someone because that's just donkey **** coming out of your ass. When you talk to another girl and you both like each other then you're pretty much focused on THAT girl and nothing else. You won't think about your ex or anything else that bothers you. Just that girl.

The Doctor 08-16-2014 09:26 PM

Quote:

Posted by ShizGodsu (Post 498869)
Recently had the same exact problem with my ex.
Except sometimes she would try purposely pissing me off saying how hot other guys were and stuff but then the same night she would tell me she still loves me and stuff (tf right?)
So I then got this urge to piss her off sometimes for fun but it wasn't worth it and it was very stupid/immature. So I just stopped messaging her/contact with her in person.

She tries messaging me but I pretty much have her on ignore on everything (Facebook, instagram, Kik, skype, viber, etc.) Anything.

Now, I know you don't want to end the friendship but have you told her that you still have feelings for her and it makes you uncomfortable when she mentions her boyfriend to you?
If not then try it. If she says a smart ass comment back to you or threatens "then leave!" Then do it. She'll realize it sooner or later. Try asking if she wants to hangout in person some day and try keeping her boyfriend out of it.

I think this would probably be the best option. Thank you. I'll tell her how I feel when school starts, in person.

Shiz 08-16-2014 09:27 PM

Quote:

Posted by The Doctor (Post 498871)
I think this would probably be the best option. Thank you. I'll tell her how I feel when school starts, in person.

I added onto the bottom. Feel free reading that too.

My last advice though is don't lurk around or stalk her on social media. Seeing pictures of her and her boyfriend can hurt you a **** load (trust me.) To avoid this just do what I suggested by talking to another girl that attracts you.

And don't let these feelings get deep into you. Another good way to see if she's using you as a last resort is to simply ignore her until she messages you first w/o her problems being mentioned.

GOAT 08-16-2014 09:32 PM

Quote:

Posted by The Doctor (Post 498868)
I'd be more compatible with those who are very close to me. Then I will kiss and hug, and more mature activities.

the problem with that is you wont have many options. It's like going to a baskin robins that only has 2 flavors. Besides mature activities are overrated;0

Kendama 08-17-2014 12:40 AM

Quote:

Posted by 5hift (Post 498867)
Probably because it isn't.

Sounds to me like you are jealous of people who have fun in relationships O.o.

Because nothing is wrong with wanting to date someone who is fun, and it does not hint at them having a "bad future". Nobody wants a boring relationship, and most will only settle with it if
1: Boy is rich
2: Babies
3: Marriage

Tyler 08-17-2014 12:59 AM

Being friends with your ex can be difficult. Even if you feel you've let go, your heart has a different opinion on the matter. I'm not a love expert, but I completely know the feeling you are having right now. Feelings of jealousy tugging at your heartstrings wondering whether your friendship outweighs the pain. There's no simple answer. If you end the friendship you will probably suffer a period of regret having lost that friendship. On the other hand, if you stay you could continue to constantly get feelings of jealousy and suffer. I hope it all works out for you. Reach a decision that will make YOU happy.

The Doctor 08-17-2014 02:08 AM

Quote:

Posted by Tyler (Post 498922)
Being friends with your ex can be difficult. Even if you feel you've let go, your heart has a different opinion on the matter. I'm not a love expert, but I completely know the feeling you are having right now. Feelings of jealousy tugging at your heartstrings wondering whether your friendship outweighs the pain. There's no simple answer. If you end the friendship you will probably suffer a period of regret having lost that friendship. On the other hand, if you stay you could continue to constantly get feelings of jealousy and suffer. I hope it all works out for you. Reach a decision that will make YOU happy.

I guess a main problem with me is that I normally choose my friends' happiness over mine, which really just makes me frustrated in the end. I do want to be happy, but I also don't want my friend to go through the suffering like she went through when her best friend decided to break things off.

You're right - there's no simple answer. The only thing I can do is tell her my feelings and hope she'll comply.

Imprint 08-17-2014 04:21 AM

Quote:

Posted by The Doctor (Post 498868)
mature activities.

TAXES?

The Doctor 08-17-2014 04:49 AM

Quote:

Posted by Imprint (Post 498958)
TAXES?

How'd you know?

MrSimons 08-17-2014 07:03 AM

I think the best thing you can do for yourself is move on. I was kinda like you in my first relationship, and the girl actually did break up with me for the exact same reason as your ex's (we hugged once). I didn't read too much but Im guessing this is your first relationship? In which case you really need not worry, your first few aren't going to be the best, and looking back on them they will seem horrible. I really dont suggest waiting till you find that special someone, you gotta get yourself out there, get some experience with girls, not saying to do things you're not comfortable with, if you don't want to make-out or go anywhere sexually till you've found someone special that's your thing. But really you just need to get experience with dating and learning how to be a fun person in a relationship, because, not to be rude and really hopefully not say anything that'd hurt, the girl you were dating may not have thought you were that fun of a person to date.

You don't need to stop talking to her, or anything like that, you just need to understand that maybe, and most likely that guy she's dating now has had prior relationship experience and is able to comfortably kiss/make-out because he has done it before. And if it's that she's your ex and you have feelings for her, get over it, it may be hard or take awhile but if you plan on going into another relationship you really can't still be missing that girl. Theres tons of other nerdy fishes in the sea that I'm sure would love to date a cool nerdy guy like yourself.

TL;DR: Don't hold anything against yourself, its all about getting experience and moving on. You'll have some relationships you really liked, but its best not to feel bad about them and just keep moving on.

The Doctor 08-17-2014 02:17 PM

MrSimons, I think I'd have to agree with this too. There are plenty of girls who asked me put previously, but before I was much shyer. If I think about it, I can probably jump in another relationship with no issue.

5hift 08-17-2014 03:53 PM

Quote:

Posted by Kendama (Post 498920)
Sounds to me like you are jealous of people who have fun in relationships O.o.

Because nothing is wrong with wanting to date someone who is fun, and it does not hint at them having a "bad future". Nobody wants a boring relationship, and most will only settle with it if
1: Boy is rich
2: Babies
3: Marriage

Erm... Wut?

Of course relationships shouldn't be boring but if you only like a person because they're fun, you've clearly got a problem.

Might as well date a theme-park manager.

The Doctor 08-17-2014 04:05 PM

Quote:

Posted by 5hift (Post 499049)
Erm... Wut?

Of course relationships shouldn't be boring but if you only like a person because they're fun, you've clearly got a problem.

Might as well date a theme-park manager.

I'm pretty sure she didn't date him just for the fun. I will admit, I had my faults when I didn't make a move, but I had every reason not to. Like I said - I'm not comfortable with doing it.

I don't want the relationship to end between them because of my stupid reason. I want them to be happy, and if she genuinely wasn't happy with me, then I somewhat understand her motives.

Right now, I told her something was going on with me (this issue), and she was willing to listen and be there for me. I am not going to tell her yet, but the fact that she's willing to help me with my problems just makes me not want to break our friendship up.

So, I think I have enough advise. Here's what I'm going to do.
  1. Confront her with the problem. I will tell her that I feel uncomfortable being her wingman, and that I think the best way to keep our friendship on track is for her not to talk to me about him. If she doesn't feel like that is a valid option, then I think that friendship is over.
  2. Get another girlfriend. I need to have experience, and I think the best way to do so, looking at all this thread's advise, is to find another person.

Thank you so much. I really love that there is a community out there willing to help those in need of social advise. I love all of you guys.

Colin 08-17-2014 05:11 PM

I don't think dating multiple girls really gives you "experience" everyone enjoys different things and acts different in relationships, you can never understand women and it is a scientific fact.

Anyways, hopefully everything turns out all right I was in the same boat except she wasn't my ex just a close friend I really liked.

Godoco 08-17-2014 09:33 PM

Quote:

Posted by The Doctor (Post 498689)
Hello,

I am in desperate need of some advice. Since February, I was in a relationship with a girl that had a lot of similar interests with me. We both liked Computer Programming, the same TV shows, Classic Rock, and a lot of other things. We dated for a three or so months (not a lot), but she broke up with me in late April because I had not really kissed, hugged, or held hands like any other boyfriend would do. It is then when I figured out I was demi-romantic and demi-sexual.

Demi-romantics don't experience romantic attraction much, and only with those who are best friends or really close co workers. It is the same for demi-sexuals, who will only have sexual contact with those who are best friends or others that are close to them.

Anyway, shortly after, her best friend did not want to be friends anymore and he moved to Utah. My ex was very sad for her loss of a friend, and we soon became best friends. This is in May, after the breakup. We soon started talking as best friends and I felt a lot better. It is until she got a new boyfriend that I started getting these feelings.

I am jealous of her boyfriend, to shorten things up. I know we haven't dated long, but I am jealous that he is able to do romantic things like kissing and hugging, while I can't due to my inability to. I had always loved my ex, but I couldn't physically show it. She always tells me how they are making out or kissing or etc., and whenever she does, I get really sad and jealous of him.

I even got to the point where I told her I needed a month away from her to recollect my feelings (after she ditched me when we were talking to talk to her boyfriend), and she got really emotional and sad. She didn't want to lose me. I now believe that she is only using me as an emotional outlet for when she is sad, and needs to talk about her feelings. She is never there to hang out or have fun, because her boyfriend can provide that for her.

I feel like the only way to get rid of this problem is to end my friendship with her. I do not want to date her again, but I still feel this jealousy inside of me. Another option would be to find another girlfriend, but I am demi-romantic and I do not want to run into the same problem yet again. Is there any advise from people that were in similar situations?

Thank you so much.

Wait for the right girl. Do not waste your time on her if she doesn't seem like she wants to put out effort to continue to be friends with you.


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