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Greengaw · 06-24-2012

Ok, I will work on it as soon as I can

I will post them one or two paragraphs at a time.

BEGINNING

[02] Raison D'être
”Oh, so now you’re crying(You don’t need exclamation point here. PM me if you want to know the rule for the question mark ruling over the exclamation point)?” he continued. “Who the hell are you now? I don’t even know you anymore!” Vinyl let more tears descend from behind her brilliant red contacts, not once looking up from her lap. (Just something I added)

“Actually, that’s right. Cry and think about what you need to do to fix your act, because I’m not buying it. Try it again, and I won’t be very happy.(Made it a new sentence>) Is that clear? Hell, I might even hire a new client.” The remark, although changing Vinyl’s way of looking up on him, knifed Vinyl in her heart. (Made new sentence) Eliciting more hiccupped whimpers from the once (deleted dash) proud, arrogant, famous DJ, Vinyl was(<added) now broken down and helpless. “This is what I get for hiring such a young amateur, isn’t it?”

06-24-2012	7
Greengaw Stroseria Veteran Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: None of your business Posts: 329	Ok, I will work on it as soon as I can I will post them one or two paragraphs at a time. *BEGINNING* [02] Raison D'être ”Oh, so now you’re crying(You don’t need exclamation point here. PM me if you want to know the rule for the question mark ruling over the exclamation point)?” he continued. “Who the hell are you now? I don’t even know you anymore!” Vinyl let more tears descend from behind her brilliant red contacts, not once looking up from her lap. (Just something I added) “Actually, that’s right. Cry and think about what you need to do to fix your act, because I’m not buying it. Try it again, and I won’t be very happy.(Made it a new sentence>) Is that clear? Hell, I might even hire a new client.” The remark, although changing Vinyl’s way of looking up on him, knifed Vinyl in her heart. (Made new sentence) Eliciting more hiccupped whimpers from the once (deleted dash) proud, arrogant, famous DJ, Vinyl was(<added) now broken down and helpless. “This is what I get for hiring such a young amateur, isn’t it?”