Yeah, the last paragraph definitely needs some revising, but I like the emotion the story emits. I love how the dialogue sounds, but some of the narrative sentences need rewording or restructuring.

Also, for the "Shall I finish him off" part, I think it would sound nicer if you said, "Shall I finish him off, sir? I don't know why, but I started reading it in an scottish accent, and I found that to sound more pleasant.