Posted by Blueh

Nothing wrong with a little extra detail . I just put the story in proper narrative format and tried to make it easier to understand for the reader. Adding detail is crucial to the story. It makes it more interesting to read if done correctly. Too little detail, and the story is bland and unexciting. Too much detail and the story just becomes so painfully long it gets annoying (see the article I posted on the first page for examples). I'll add a list of basic descriptive adjectives you can play aroud with later.

Also I didn't really know Yoru was a guy lol. I don't watch anime, or TV in general. But, it is your story; ergo, your responsibility to write

Edit: Ikuto did jump out the window in my revision. I stuck to what you previously had and just changed a few verbs and added a few adjectives.

but you wrote it as if ikuto was committing suicide even though he was just exiting his house without being ambushed by utau his little sis who in my story is still crazy nuts about ikuto check the animation in my signature if you have no clue what im talking about utau is the blond girl and ikuto is the blue haired hottie boy, also i think yoru is shown right before utau starts her failure of a hug attack  

When you jump out a window...you can't expect not to get hurt x.x that's like touching a stove because your hands are cold.  

he was chara changed
http://images.ados.fr/bd-manga/photo/hd/1727304172/shugo-chara/ikuto-1877380306.jpg (Unsupported image host)
http://shadowahimsa.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/ikuto_tsukiyomi_by_amu-chan_66.jpg (Unsupported image host)

thats what ikuto looks like chara changed  

Posted by princess becca

and because you people are soo good at giving constructive criticisim

:3  

Posted by princess becca

he was chara changed

thats what ikuto looks like chara changed

Well...good luck with that I suppose. This isn't my story to write, although do try and heed my advice! Best of luck with your fanfic.  

im having writers block has any body read my new chapter yet? i need help writing ikutos pov for when he sees the clothing that utau put on amu  

the 4th chapter is up!!!!!  

Posted by Pazx

you write gay one direction fanfic i've seen it

lold  

um i just said that the 4th chapter is up!  

cool, wanna cookie?

oh god why do I keep reading the chapters
they suck  

it s going to get better i hope you guys like romance and action!  

Posted by princess becca

it s going to get better i hope you guys like romance and action!

Should I be scared?  

;-;..... i cant unsee  

Posted by Sup3rn00b

Should I be scared?

it's... Terrifying  

Posted by Sup3rn00b

Should I be scared?

no just a big battle sene between the guys and amu kissing the victor thats all i can say so far