one of mine:

On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten."
So God agreed.

On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks and make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"
And God agreed.

On the third day God created the cow. "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty."
And God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."
Man said, "What? Only twenty years? Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"

Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.


what are yours?  

"the human foot is a masterpiece of engineering and a work of art." -- Leonardo da Vinci  

"Don't jump to conclusions" -Unknown  

"YOLO" - Drake  

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” - Jack Handey  

Its over 9000  

smoke weed erryday 420 blaze it ****** young money cahsh money billionare YOLO  

To be, or not to be -- William Shakespeare (If you didn't know that, just jump off the nearest cliff)  

Sometimes when I'm bored, I like to smear myself in feces and post it on the Internet.
-Sketching (real name unknown)  

Another one:
The grass is only greener on the other side because it's fertilized with bull****.
-Anonymous  

"No."  

"Don't stop, pop that, don't stop."
~French Montana  

That one quote I remember from my mom "Always think positively as possible" -Beth Mullaney  

"Madness is required when creating a genius," -My Grandfather, a genius.  

Perhaps I should be an example to people,
But I do not think this way,
I do not react this way,
I am simply me ~ Eric Cantona