I wrote this for English class, its unfinished. Does anyone like the storyline? I realise it is pretty bad so far, but I plan to refine it a lot.

Tall Tale

The elite force of cheese mold lined up in an orderly fashion In front of their 4 star general, Moldie. Among the soldiers was a new recruit by the name of Moldson. Moldson had grown up in a dark, gloomy neighborhood filled with bad mold. There was lots of crime, stealing, and molding. Moldson was of the mere age of 10. He was hardened in combat through his childhood growing up in the bad neighborhood, and was very good with strategic combat.
*Molding is when someone molds someone else’s cheese. Some cheese were dead, that’s the kind that the humans eat and the currency of the mold people. The alive kind are the ones who the mold army fights and sells to the mold government.*
“Today you will all be dispatched out to the frontlines. Don’t go rushing off into no man’s land or any stupid stuff like that, we need you. Now get to the train, I hope your worth our investment.” Said General Moldie.
“Ugh, this is a pain going to the front lines. I don’t think we’re ready.” Mumbled Moldson to his best friend Molder.
“Look Moldson, I know you don’t like it, but your still a great warrior when it comes to the cheese, and you know it.” Said Molder.
“I guess.” Said Moldson.

As soon as Moldson and Molder got onto the train, it zipped down the tracks towards the front lines.
“Wow, we nearly missed it!” Said Molder.
Moldson didn’t even notice Molder talking, he was already homesick of his family back in Mold Town. Soon, the train came to a screeching stop. All the soldiers unloaded off the train, with their helmets on and their rifles ready.
“This is it!” Said Moldson and Molder at the same time. While the both chuckled, Commander Molde approached them. You, into line 1. And you, line 2!
“Crap, looks like we’re separated.” Muttered Moldson.
“I’ll try to mail you, I guess.” Said Molder.
“Shut up soldier! The enemy will hear you at this rate!” Shouted Commander Molde.
“Sorry sir.” Said Molder and Moldson.  

Speaking of assignments, my teacher assigned everyone elements to do a full 4 page report on and I got silver. That's when I knew it was meant to be. (I lucked out, silver, molybdenum, and ruthenium are the ones I know best..)

Doesn't really have a very good ending
Needs more of the theme and storyline than backstory and profiles.
4 Star General needs to be a little more in a way, general-ish(If you know what I mean.)  

Posted by iSilver

Speaking of assignments, my teacher assigned everyone elements to do a full 4 page report on and I got silver. That's when I knew it was meant to be. (I lucked out, silver, molybdenum, and ruthenium are the ones I know best..)

Doesn't really have a very good ending
Needs more of the theme and storyline than backstory and profiles.
4 Star General needs to be a little more in a way, general-ish(If you know what I mean.)

Not done yet, I'm still working on it.  

Not the best I've seen, not the worst. Good job.
 

Thank you, BUT YOU DARE POST A PICTURE OF THAT INVISIL ON MY THREAD