Can any of you Grammar Nazis (besides me) out there proofread and edit a chapter for this fanfiction I'm writing? I'm on vacation and I don't have a spellchecker/grammar checker on hand, and I just want to make sure I didn't make any errors or anything. It isn't too long, it's only about 2,000 words. If you want to give it a shot, post here/PM me and I'll send it off to you...
Since I'm on my phone at a restaurant, I don't really have the time to manually PM all of you. So, here:
Spoiler
[02] Raison D'être ”Oh, so now you’re crying!?” he continued. “Who the hell are you now? I don’t even know you anymore!” Vinyl let more tears descend from behind her brilliant red contacts, not once looking up.
“Actually, that’s right. Cry and think about what you need to do to fix your act, because I’m not buying it. Try it again, and I won’t be very happy – is that clear? Hell, I might even hire a new client.” The remark knifed Vinyl in her heart, eliciting more hiccupped whimpers from the once-proud, arrogant, famous DJ, now broken down and helpless. “This is what I get for hiring such a young amateur, isn’t it?”
Vinyl adjusted herself on the pillow she sat upon at one of the dining tables in the Advent hotel lounge. On her plate sat a bowl of ramen, along with some expensive French pastries on the side. She wasn't really hungry, but Emerald insisted on getting her the food. She was still wary about the white stallion, having only known him for 2 hours - yet he was as loyal as a dog. She still preferred not to have him around, due to her bad habit of abusing others around her.
"So you already hired your Secret Service agent?" Octavia asked, picking away at her food.
"No," Vinyl replied. "Somepony else must have set this up." And they had to pick somepony so hard to hurt, she thought, glancing over at Emerald who was sitting politely, smiling and wagging his tail much like a dog.
"And anyway," Vinyl continued with a smirk on her face. "I don't need a Secret Service agent. I'll just terminate your contract right now."
Emerald went into the same position as before, and placed the sword in her hooves. "Then..."
Vinyl quickly grabbed it and held it away from him. "Don't die!" She held his gaze for a couple seconds then laid the sword down.
"Hey, hey," Octavia interrupted. "So you got a cute bodyguard. What's the problem?" She chuckled.
"That isn't the point," Vinyl said. Emerald looked on at her in anticipation.
"Please do not mind me, Miss Vinyl. I will only be of here when I am of use to you. When I am not, ignore me," Emerald said with a tone of hospitality. Vinyl glared at him suspiciously.
"And that will make you happy and fulfill your 'raison d'être'?" She mocked the last two words of the French phrase.
"Of course," Emerald said. "I have known you for a long time now, and have always wanted to meet you." He smiled. Vinyl rolled her eyes, and set off to go to bed. Before she left, she turned back to look at the white unicorn.
"The contract is void. Do you understand?" Vinyl asked. Emerald stood still, staring at her, wagging his tail. "So... I guess I won't be seeing you anymore," she said. Five awkward seconds passed by. "Don't look at me like that!" She said, heat rising to her face.
Vinyl slowly walked backwards, away, towards the elevator that brought her back to her room. The metal doors opened, and she walked in. She poked her head outside, and saw that Emerald was still there, chatting with Octavia. She brought her head back in, and the doors close as the elevator began its ascent to Room Four. Vinyl wondered how life was, back in Canterlot.
The elevator doors opened, and she walked to the polished light wood door, adorned with a minimalistic "IV". She slid out her electronic room key from her saddlebag, and opened the door.
The room was nice. Modern wood and metal design, consistent with the rest of the complex. She still had a lot of new furniture and decorations to buy, but she would worry about that later. All she had brought along was the coffee machine, four boxes' worth of books, her saddlebag, and her favorite blanket. As she did a quick shake of the blanket to loosen up any dirt that might be there, she crawled into the large bed, wrapped herself up in her blanket, and closed her eyes to repose.
~*~
Hours later, Vinyl had woken up, gasping for breath, from the same terrible nightmare that had haunted her since the incident happened - the dreaded day of her final performance. Her mind finally cleared up, and her heart rate slowed down to a regulated pace. She leaned over the side of the bed to check the time. 10:30.
I've been losing my edge, Vinyl thought as she got out of bed and stretched her tired limbs. She quickly remembered the events of last night's dinner, brushing her ruffled mane.
"I guess even he won't be showing up today," she said to her own shadow. She slowly walked to the door, keeping a hint of elegance in her motions. She opened the sleek wooden door.
"Good morning, Miss Vinyl." Vinyl let go of the door and let it slowly shut itself, staring blankly at the white unicorn. "Did you sleep well?"
"I thought I told you, I don't need your 'Secret Services'," she said mockingly.
He continued on anyway. "Today's breakfast includes a pastry, soup of your choice, and fruit yogurt," he said with his head tilted and a soft smile on his face. Vinyl sighed. As nice as this stallion was, she still wanted to be alone. The whole reason she came here. Yet...
They took the elevator downstairs to the lounge, and got settled in at the same dinner table they had shared last night together with Octavia. Octavia was sitting with another of the residents - no, it was a Secret Service agent - at a different table. Emerald went off to the kitchen to get Vinyl her food. She sighed.
The Secret Service agent who was talking with Octavia noticed Vinyl at her table. She immediately perked up as Octavia said something unintelligibly.
Emerald came back promptly with exactly what he said he would bring. Soup, a pastry, and fruit yogurt. Vinyl looked up at him.
“We can take a little stroll inside the complex,” Emerald said. “I can give you a quick tour if you wish.”
“I keep telling you, I’m fine by myself!” Vinyl insisted, her voice reaching a higher volume. Emerald interrupted her by placing a bowl of soup on her table. “Oh thank you, that’s very polite,” she said in a kind manner. “Anyway, what I’m saying is…” Emerald put her drink right next to the bowl of soup, just like before. “Th-that’s very nice of you.”
“Won’t you allow me to be your guide today?” Emerald asked with a courteous smile.
“You’re good at sucking people into your pace," Vinyl noticed. “You’re crafty.” Emerald simply smiled.
“You are an honest and wonderful person, Miss Vinyl.” She raised an eyebrow.
Emerald took Vinyl to the second tier of the lounge, onto the catwalk that led to a room that Vinyl could not yet recognize. He opened the door, revealing a very big pool about the length of the building’s front side, backlit by various multi-colored lights that seemed to resemble a liquid rainbow in the pool. Her thoughts flowed back to that one athletic, outgoing pegasus pony back in Ponyville, the one she met at one of her shows. Rainbow Dash, was it? She believed so. More friends she had abandoned and left behind in Canterlot and Ponyville came back to her mind. The heart-warming nature and hospitality of those ponies was definitely something Vinyl had come to miss after a three-year absence. She brushed away the thoughts, as they just contributed to her loneliness and seclusion.
“This is the bath,” he said in a warm voice. “Each room, as you know, is fitted with its own bath. But, this might be nice for a change in pace every once in a while.”
Emerald took her up again one more level, bringing her to an outdoor garden on the rooftop. The sight of the flowering plants, hummingbirds, and endless beds of green once again reminded her of that one yellow, pink-maned pegasus who was famous for about a week or so before she quit being a model… Much like Vinyl had. She quickly wondered what made her quit.
“Directly above the bath, we have this,” he said, breaking her thought process. “This is the rooftop garden. With its spacious skies and relaxing scenery, I’m sure this place will be perfect if you ever need somewhere to think.”
“Isn’t its openness refreshing?” Emerald asked in a casual manner.
Openness... Vinyl thought. A word that has no meaning for me.
-
Vinyl awoke with her eyes bolted wide open, gasping for air. Another one. Nightmare after nightmare of her past, leaving Canterlot, her friends, her poise and her reputation. The guilt of the situation hit her very hard. She didn’t want to leave her friends, nor her loving management, but she couldn’t take it anymore.
She slowly walked out of bed, undergoing her normal morning routine. Once fully bathed and awake, she opened her door.
“Good morning, Miss Vinyl.”
“Good morning,” she sighed, not wanting to even try anymore. They made their way to the lounge downstairs quietly, the aftermath of her nightmares haunting her, fresh in her mind as the smell of the hotel itself.
As Vinyl sat down at one of the tables, Emerald gladly offered to prepare her a glass of herbal tea. As he came back, he placed a teacup on the table in front of Vinyl, and professionally poured the warm herbal tea into the cup. Vinyl picked up the cup with her magic, raising it to her mouth.
“Thank you,” she whispered. She took a sip of the herbal tea, and immediately felt refreshed and soothed, as her worries slowly melted away from the consciousness in her mind. She closed her eyes, embracing the relaxing feeling. She sighed happily.
“They say lavender has a natural calming effect,” Emerald stated. “The light in your room has been on quite late these past two nights...” he said with an edge of sorrow in his voice.
“You said you knew me...” Vinyl said, catching Emerald by surprise. “Does that knowledge not repulse you?” She put emphasis on the last two words, looking up at him and then back down to the table.
“All I’ve done was hurt people. I hurt my friends. I hurt my management. No one even knows who, or where I am anymore. I hurt myself...” Vinyl whispered, barely audible. “And I can never be forgiven, for the lasting memories will be forever in my mind, in theirs, inerasable by even the test of time.” Vinyl let a single tear drop onto the table.
“Is...” Emerald sighed. “Is that your regret? To think that you’ve been carrying this burden this whole time, alone.” Even Emerald started to tear up more than Vinyl had. His face was stained and flowing with genuine sadness and tears.
“Don’t cry!” Vinyl yelled, handing him a handkerchief. “Here,” she said softly.
Emerald whispered something inaudible with a worried tone.
-
It was the evening, and they were walking through the hotel’s courtyard together as the sun painted the sky in many different shades of warm colors, from every hue of red and orange spiking up to yellow.
“I think I got my bad habit sometime around then,” Vinyl said, finishing her tragic story to Emerald. The reflux of horrible memories and guilt lapped up in her mind again. Her final argument with Celestia. Her banishment to the moon. Everything.
“I know I have to change,” Vinyl trailed off, walking towards a cherry blossom tree, with Emerald slowly trailing behind. “Until then, I have to be alone.”
“I don’t think...”
“If you stay with me, sooner or later, you’ll get hurt too.” Vinyl brought her voice to a quiet whisper.
He gazed into Vinyl’s magenta eyes, a gentle, heartwarming expression on his face. He smiled ever so softly.
“Why don’t we try it then?”
Make sure to spoiler the text, and mark any errors that have been changed in red pl0x
Thanks guys.
Oh, and if you're actually interested in reading the first chapter and/or following the series...
[02] Raison D'être
”Oh, so now you’re crying(You don’t need exclamation point here. PM me if you want to know the rule for the question mark ruling over the exclamation point)?” he continued. “Who the hell are you now? I don’t even know you anymore!” Vinyl let more tears descend from behind her brilliant red contacts, not once looking up from her lap. (Just something I added)
“Actually, that’s right. Cry and think about what you need to do to fix your act, because I’m not buying it. Try it again, and I won’t be very happy.(Made it a new sentence>) Is that clear? Hell, I might even hire a new client.” The remark, although changing Vinyl’s way of looking up on him, knifed Vinyl in her heart. (Made new sentence) Eliciting more hiccupped whimpers from the once (deleted dash) proud, arrogant, famous DJ, Vinyl was(<added) now broken down and helpless. “This is what I get for hiring such a young amateur, isn’t it?”
