yeah I understand...
ehh overall its still good

Looks exciting so far. One suggestion though, in the first part it's from the perspective of a young child, but it sort of seems like she's older by the way it's told... I guess what I'm saying is she probably wouldn't understand what was going on so clearly

AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! better then anything ive ever read i swear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bump

Vary your word choice and sentence structure. Makes your story more interesting to read.

I hate lovey stuff