Favorite Quotes
 

one of mine:

On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten."
So God agreed.

On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks and make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"
And God agreed.

On the third day God created the cow. "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty."
And God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."
Man said, "What? Only twenty years? Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"

Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.


what are yours?

"the human foot is a masterpiece of engineering and a work of art." -- Leonardo da Vinci

"Don't jump to conclusions" -Unknown

"YOLO" - Drake

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” - Jack Handey

Its over 9000

smoke weed erryday 420 blaze it ****** young money cahsh money billionare YOLO

To be, or not to be -- William Shakespeare (If you didn't know that, just jump off the nearest cliff)

Sometimes when I'm bored, I like to smear myself in feces and post it on the Internet.
-Sketching (real name unknown)

Another one:
The grass is only greener on the other side because it's fertilized with bull****.
-Anonymous

"No."

"Don't stop, pop that, don't stop."
~French Montana

That one quote I remember from my mom "Always think positively as possible" -Beth Mullaney :)

"Madness is required when creating a genius," -My Grandfather, a genius.

Perhaps I should be an example to people,
But I do not think this way,
I do not react this way,
I am simply me ~ Eric Cantona :D

I like to touch rusty spoons- Salad Fingers.
The feeling off rust against my salad fingers is almost orgasmic- Salad Fingers.

"You're much too serious
Let's steal away, blow your mind
That's an easy thing to say
You must take a step"

Crush40

"All the world's a stage
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts ..."
~ William Shakespeare, "As You Like It"

"The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame."
~ The Ripley Scroll

"We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special. "

~Stephen Hawking

It is clear to everyone that astronomy at all events compels the soul to look upwards, and draws it from the things of this world to the other. - Plato

"Do I look like a helicopter to you? No if I did my life would be easier in some ways and more difficult in others."-Ross Scott

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened"

- Dr. Suess