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Abyss 08-13-2013 09:41 AM
Fanfictions!
 
Been attempting to write fanfictions for sometime now, mostly about League of Legends, that being said I wish for some feedback and does anyone else here write? I would like to know!

Here is the link to the thing I need feedback on, feel free to review there or here!

http://http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9584763/1/Unknown

iHot 08-13-2013 12:59 PM
Talon can help you. But you already know him.

Abyss 08-13-2013 08:16 PM
Quote:
Posted by iHot (Post 399319)
Talon can help you. But you already know him.
True, but I was hoping for feedback else where. I can get his whenever.

Talon 08-13-2013 11:08 PM
ya we irl br0s, bro

OT: You never sent me this one, I'll text you later today.

PennyShine 08-13-2013 11:51 PM
Quote:
Posted by iHot (Post 399319)
Talon can help you. But you already know him.
OMFG

MrSimons 08-14-2013 12:17 AM
Quote:
Posted by PennyShine (Post 399491)
OMFG
obvious bull****, dont trust this guy.

Talon 08-14-2013 01:37 AM
Quote:
Posted by PennyShine (Post 399491)
OMFG
ohoho the cat's already out of the bag, you're a little late lol

Abyss 08-14-2013 10:38 AM
Quote:
Posted by Talon (Post 399516)
ohoho the cat's already out of the bag, you're a little late lol
People still didn't know? It has been like a year! You must be doing something right! Hue Hue Hue!

princess becca 08-16-2013 03:42 PM
I write

Talon 08-17-2013 09:30 AM
maybe you can give him some feedback then -

Talon 08-17-2013 09:48 AM
OT: I don't really have much time so I gave it a skim; the writing and imagery is pretty solid, but some of the word choice seems out of place for the setting:

Quote:
The sound of footsteps befell his ears, but they were not of human origin. The melody had a deeper much more potent ring than any regular two legged creature could create. And then the repeating unholy note became faster, whatever massive creature was after him had gone into a hurried struggling sprint.
Those two words in particular didn't feel quite true to the situation. Aside from that, I like it. Nice job.

princess becca 08-26-2013 02:01 PM
your story is really good but you need to put in more dialouge

Talon 08-27-2013 01:09 AM
Not all scenes require dialogue, this one especially.


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